#184 Lovego: Deepening Human Connection in Dating – Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie

Dating is broken – that is the real-life observation that returning guest Dr. Kate Raines-Goldie is fixing with Lovego, a very clever combination of play and Lego that is designed to help those in the dating scene find a deeper and more meaningful relationship quicker and in a way that is more transparent to the deeper aspects of ourselves.

In this fun and playful discussion, Kate shares her real-life journey that brought together the mix of play, Lego and dating together.

We also broadened out the conversation to focus on the general state of human connection and the barriers to that.

NOTE: Kate is currently launching Lovego and she offering all ‘Badass Professional’ Lady WA Real Listeners the opportunity to work with her personally to journey further into their dating with Lovego; all you have to do is email her at: Kate@lovegomethod.com

Whether you’re currently dating or generally in need of greater quality human connection, there’s plenty in this discussion for you.

Read Full Transcript

Bryn Edwards 

Dating is broken. That is the real life felt observation. The returning guest Dr. Kate Raines Goldie is fixing, with a very clever combination of play, and Lego love go to help those in the dating scene, find a deeper and more meaningful relationship quicker, and in a way that is more transparent to the deeper aspects of ourselves. Whether through the inherent online behaviours, the design of dating apps, overly strategic thinking, just because we’re not entirely sure what we want in a relationship is some of the factors that Kate has observed is behind the assertion that dating is broken. In this discussion, Kate shares her real life journey into discovering love guy, and the mix of bringing play, and Lego and dating together. We then also broaden out the discussion to focus on the general state of human connection. And some of the barriers behind that this discussion with Kate, as it was last time is a lot of fun, and very playful. And we go deep into the world of human connection, which I think is really required at this moment. Now, there’s another thing to this discussion, Katie’s Katie’s launching, love go right now. And for any badass, professional lady, who is time poor, and wants some help out in the dating world, she’s offering the opportunity free in the next 90 days, to guide you on the use of love go to assist, you’re in a better place in your dating. So whether you’re in it for the discussion about dating, whether you’re in it for discussion about human connection, whether you’re in it, because you are a badass, professional lady, you’re going to love this discussion with Kate. So enjoy, Kate.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Hello, and welcome back to WA Real I’m your host, Bryn Edwards. Today I have the great pleasure of welcoming back, Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie. Kate, how are you?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I’m very excited to be here and talk to you.

 

Bryn Edwards 

It’s great. It’s always better when guests are excited to be here rather than nervous because some do start off

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

a little bit a little bit nervous because this is exciting stuff that I’ve been working on for a really long time. I

 

Bryn Edwards 

know. And that’s why we’re gonna talk today. So last time we spoke was quite a while ago, you it was Episode 53. Yeah. So some 130 odd episodes ago. And we really talked about playing and playfulness and learning and Unlocking Potential, particularly in the individual and in the business setting. What have you been up to recently? Well, it’s like, well, actually, just before we start, yeah. Before I ask you what you’ve been up to recently. And for those who didn’t watch that podcast previously, how would you describe what you do?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

What I did then, or what I do now,

 

 

which do now?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

What do I do now? Well, it’s still describe myself as a sort of an advocate for play your curiosity. So curiosity is a big word for me and plays an enabler of that. But what I would describe myself now is I’m still doing that work. But I’ve added a kind of new arm. And that’s this new thing that was kind of unexpected, and came out of COVID, sort of opening up what we allow ourselves to do, and what other people maybe are like, people, I think people are more open with their expectations that people are doing something different now.

 

 

Right? Yes, mission.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So it’s very similar, but it’s a different application. And so I am the CEO of love NGO, which is using play and Lego as a tool for badass professional women to to go on better dates and find love and level up and so describe myself as about us women. That is professional women.

 

 

Yeah,

 

 

badass. Yeah.

 

 

What do you mean by?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

It’s sort of, I guess? It’s a good question, because it’s the more North American definition, which is kind of like strong and fighting for justice and doing the right thing and just not giving a fuck what people think SJW type stuff. Single social justice warriors. Yeah.

 

 

I mean, that’s, that’s a that’s a loaded term. Yeah.

 

 

I wouldn’t describe him

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

was, you know, it’s kind of like, you know, like Betty White just described herself as a badass bitch. Right on Twitter for I think that she had an African American performer on her show when that was like many years ago, and that was seen as not acceptable and right She got a lot of flack and then did it again. And then her show got cancelled. And then she said, Well, yeah, I’m just I was just a bad aspect. And so it’s that kind of thing where it’s like, this feels right to me, and I’m gonna stick to my guns and I’m gonna. Yeah, so it’s just like strong women, I guess is a good way to describe it.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah, strong. It’s interesting that we should have to use the word like badass bitch and straw.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I don’t like the word bitch. But I’m just quoting Betty White on that. But

 

Bryn Edwards 

because it strikes me that there’s, you know, you could be a sexual on this. And there are so many people who I’ve talked about this frequently on the podcast, their their, their moral compass and moral philosophy scrambled, as is their connection with their priorities and values and beliefs in life. And so they’re just like, sailing along in this lovely codependent way of letting other people and other things choose who and what they are. And there is that. as we as we interact and collide with life, that’s how we start to find out our own values. And then you get to this line in the sand powers, like I need a bit of courage now, because I’m gonna stand up for this. Don’t like that. And this is me and boundaries. So yeah, I guess I look at it more mechanically. Metaphorically.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

It’s a term that seems to resonate with with, that I want to work with and it resonates with me. So I think that

 

 

but I’m, if it gets the point across,

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

yeah, actually, it might be a different word for different people, it might evolve, but it is a particular kind of. And I think it’s similar to kind of the people who listen to your podcast, which includes me, but people who are willing to invest in themselves and be, you know, are interested in personal growth. And you know, being explorers of the human experience and you know, wants something more out of life and wanted to kind of leave the world better than when they found it. Yes, yeah. And so maybe there’s a different term for that, but that seems to kind of very closest I can find so

 

 

exploring.

 

 

That’s very, very Bryn for you to ask about that. I love it.

 

Bryn Edwards 

So, so love go. Yep. Obviously, there’s a love and there’s Lego. Yeah, put together,

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

expand more for okay. So it’s a method that there’s a lot to it. But it uses Lego as a tool. Because it’s really like, I mean, I almost have to talk about the story of how it happened. Do that journey?

 

 

Yeah. Why?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I mean, the outcome of it is, is that it’s it dating is is, is I would argue it’s broken. Right. And it, there’s this huge divide between men and women right now. Yeah, apps have just, it’s just this minefield, where and that’s, you know, actually connects back to my, some of my older work around social media and how we’re all being monetized as eyeballs. Yeah. So it’s like the dating apps, they want to kind of satisfy you enough that you think that it’s working enough to be on it, but they don’t want you to leave because then

 

 

you’re off the boat.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. Right. So so it’s kind of they want to keep you hooked, but not so it’s the same kind of, you know, social media thing. So and but that’s how that’s how we date now. And so how do we

 

Bryn Edwards 

what is threw out

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

the people that’s like, the way that people find what I was,

 

Bryn Edwards 

I was shocked recently was watching TV one night to see an E, an E harmony. Yep. And in that ar e harmony ad. There were two people, either sides of computers, and there was this whole theme of you know, someone will have you to try something new. And this guy was trying a different flavoured pizza. But the underlying thing was that they were doing it through, like FaceTime zoom or something like that. And I was just like, Oh, my God, you’ve gone from, you’ve gone from one layer of removing the natural selection and putting yourself out there part of the process of finding someone new in your life. And now you’ve even gone to the next level of you don’t even have to hang out in person once you’re in that place, either. Yeah, yeah. No. Okay, I get it. It’s like COVID relevant. Yeah, but COVID relevant. Yeah. You know, for the purposes of sales and marketing. Yeah. Which at the end of the day is what it is. Yeah. You know, because, you know, all these tools and things that are out there to, you know, solve a problem, which more often than not, doesn’t always exist. But yeah, it just struck me as really weird. So, you know, the fact that you brought up the apps is really interesting. And I recall, you know, many, many, many moons ago, when at the age of early 40s. I was thrust back into The world of dating. And some of the ladies in the office, I was working at the time said, it’s time for you to get yourself out there. And I said, Okay, so how do I do it? And I thought they were gonna give me some real life advice on how, if I saw an attractive lady in the coffee shop, I could just walk up and strike up conversation. And their advice was like, Hey, we’re gonna get you on this app. And this happened. And I said, That’s rubbish. Yeah. And, you know, explain, I thought you’re gonna give me this sort of advice than my own? Oh, that’s a bit confronting. Yeah. So yeah, anyway,

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

yeah. Yeah. So it’s, it’s, yeah. Yeah, I found myself single. And so when I

 

Bryn Edwards 

want yourself

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

in a time when dating apps had become the way because I remember when I think online dating kind of became sort of a thing and maybe 2000. And it was totally different back then. And it was actually a way to find really interesting people. And now it’s completely changed. And so coming back to that, and going, Well, what has happened in this time that I haven’t been single that is, it just I noticed this huge difference. And so it was this Well, how do I how do I fix dating for myself? Because this app things I just feel really disconnected. And that, you know, that was my work with, with playfulness, and, and games is all about connecting people and yeah, bringing people together in the physical world. And so that was, you know, how do we how do we address this? And yeah, dating is broken. I think there’s a number of reasons. But I think that kind of algorithmic way that we now connect with each other or not connect with each other is everywhere in all aspects of life, including dating. Yeah. And so how this came about was I did my Lego serious play certification, which is a tool that was developed by Lego as like a corporate tool for innovation and team building and creativity. And it’s used by massive brands. Worldwide, but

 

 

what does that entail? And so the powerful and potent series and playing the same?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, and yeah, because what it is, is that we still have this negative connotation of play that it’s a waste of time, but it’s this incredibly powerful tool. For like, it’s this idea that I like to call the magic circle, which is you, you enter this magic circle and things when you’re playing when you’re when you’re playing games, or just playing more broadly. Because you can play without it being a game. playful, which is what I’d argue love go is using Lego. But the idea is that you’re in the circle, and it allows you to be more vulnerable to feel safe to explore more, it opens up all of these things that allows you to better connections between is it more or less guarded

 

Bryn Edwards 

than than being vulnerable? And I know, the two may seem like I’ve just picked the opposite end. Yeah. But it’s to me being less guarded. means that all the defences and things that would not you’d normally have to go through, like, petered away somewhat, are as vulnerable is, I don’t know, he still be authentic and less guarded versus vulnerable? I don’t know. Again, it’s semantics. But yeah, I

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

mean, it’s the results that I that I got from using it. And then I that, that the people who have been kind of testing it with me and working with me, it seems to just really get it gets to went. So when you there’s a whole bunch of of components to it. But when you bring so what we have in front of us for people listening on the podcast, is a little kit of Lego. Yeah. And the point with Lego serious play is that you’re using Lego as a tool for metaphor and story. You’re not building like literal houses and cars and buildings. Yeah, you’re building almost like dreamscapes that connect with your unconscious. And so it almost like it unlocks the thinking in yourself, and unlocks of thinking the other person and it’s surprising and it bypasses a lot of the like jadedness and yeah, I think cynicism that we have where we’re just like over dating or over. yet we’re cynical, I think. And so we have all these. Where do you think that cynicism comes from? I’m probably dating apps. So I think there’s people who who are because a lot of women I also spoke to and men as well, they’ll go beyond the dating apps. And while I would say them how, you know, if dating is broken, how do you solve this problem? And they would say I would delete the app. And so it’s just like, it’s like, I’m so tired of I’d rather just not even engage with it at all. And that doesn’t really solve the problem. But I think it’s just you’re so tired of these inauthentic connections. Yeah. And just this. I think algorithmic dating to coin maybe a term for that is it makes it turn it when you’re just constantly swiping and it’s not really based on knowing something more deeply. It’s very superficial. I mean, you just go on these dates and you’re kind of set it just it’s just the whole almost way that it’s been set up that I think After you’ve gone on enough of these bad dates, or had these expectations created, or just had this epsilon turn up, that doesn’t quite look like the picture. Yeah, yeah. And then and then I think it starts to be a self fulfilling prophecy, when you’ve done it so much that you’re just have your guard up that it starts to create that disconnection. Because I remember a moment when I had brought this on a date, and it was someone I realised it wasn’t for me. But what I was starting to have an intention was to actually, and this is what I want to intend to bring into the world with, with this bring it out for for women, is to actually leave the date better than to be to leave learning something about myself and the data, having learned something about them, and maybe learning something about each other. Yeah. And so I realised that I had kind of closed off because I was, you know, just kind of feeling okay, maybe, maybe, maybe I was being too judgmental. But I was starting to feel that kind of like I’m over this. And so when we started playing with this Lego kit together, I could feel the actual, that there was that human connection. And maybe maybe it wasn’t for me, but I actually felt like I learned something about myself. And we learned something about each other. And I could feel myself opening up again, and having that human connection. And there was another guy went on a date with who actually, were still friends, even though it didn’t work out. But he said to me that he actually learned something a lot about himself after doing it and where he was at in the dating process, and maybe why he wasn’t ready. Yeah. And so it’s kind of like the purpose of it is to, is to help people find love and connect with each other, to help women. But also like, the broader thing, that’s my hope, more broadly, is to actually start to, to shift back away from what’s been happening with social media, and yeah, and algorithmic everything

 

Bryn Edwards 

we got, as I was listening to you talk, there are a number of things, again, themes that I’ve explored here on the podcast that come up, you know, anything, anything that has that social media design behind it has that relative positioning, where, you know, how do I compare to someone else? How do I compare to me yesterday or tomorrow, you know, there’s this constant comparison, which then, is a breeding ground for the mechanics of narcissism, and not out, out and out. narcissism as in I have a problem with boundaries type stuff, but there’s the mechanics of it. And let’s not dial back to the original myth, which is, you know, Narcissus fell in love with the reflection of himself so much, though, that he died. Yeah. Right. And so everything to do with social media is really a portrayal of

 

 

us have

 

Bryn Edwards 

a reflection of me, you know, you could go on my Instagram account and think, oh, Brenda’s ever happy time watching sunsets, mine in the sea, because that’s what I post or Holly sardonic memes and stuff. But but that, you know, that’s just one small sliver of the day. And, and, and so yeah, we’ve got that. We’re trained into that. So as soon as you’re picking your phone up, and you’re doing something, you’re in that you’re in that world, because behaviours are there. So now it’s portraying something that that is not authentic, is you’re not exactly portraying you’re in their indigenous, right. But then there’s a there’s another aspect to it as well, which I find the moment and there’s something I’m toying with is the difference between that sort of metaphoric, mythical thinking and way of sensemaking versus the, you know, the rational strategic outcome focused hypothesis driven thinking as well. And I’m not going to say one is better than the other, they are just they are, and they are us. And so, if, you know, if you are and this, this is gonna sound really harsh, but you know, if you are, you know, trucking your way into your mid latter 30s, and you’re suddenly realising, oh, I haven’t quite gotten myself married or got the family. Yeah, yeah. And time is ticking for men and women. Yeah. Okay. And then all of a sudden, those those strategic goals in your life start to come up and when we become goal oriented, then we are less playful and open to opportunity and possibility and probability, and things like that. So I could see how it’s a recipe ground for getting really fucking neurotic. Yeah. Given all of those competing things, and then you’ve got the other layer of just the whole rest of the world that says you should be doing this by then. And, you know, your body image should be like that. And you should have a partner like that. And there’s just endless amounts of crap going on. And so, you know, it’s little wonder that people are struggling with it. And again, set against the backdrop of, and it seems to be the white elephant in the room. We don’t connect. We don’t connect properly. You know, I’m probably at the other end of it because of this and what I do. And this is nourishing to me, if I don’t do a podcast a week, it’s like, I’ve skipped a meal of the day. Yeah. during that week, and, and it and again, it doesn’t always have to be strategic. It’s not always about, oh, well, I’m gonna go and be social because I’m looking for a partner. There’s, I think I’ve shared with you the great story of when I put myself out there to just have conversations with strangers. And it wasn’t to pick up chicks, even though I took a bit of advice from someone who was a pickup artist, and a friend of mine over in Sydney, but I just went out to talk to people, and then I started making friends. And the friends were even more valuable than, you know, trying to have relationship and then you know, the amazing relationship. But then, but then making friends still continues. And you go, you know, I think there’s been numerous studies on this. And what’s the one key thing of a long and healthy life? So I ended up with a guy in the gym, it’s got nothing to do with what you eat. Connections you’ve got not just your partner be friends and everyone’s around you. It’s never gonna go.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I think that that really that idea of doing it not for the sake of finding love. So it’s almost like this is finding love by not looking for love.

 

 

Yeah, because even that then becomes that becomes this sneaky mind game. Yeah, of tricking yourself. Because you really what? That’s what the play comes in. Yes. Because

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

the way the magic circle is what enables it. Yeah. Because it’s like, Okay, well, I’m okay with just being on this date. And being because it brings you back to the present. It does all of these kind of like mindfulness things like I’m engaged, but I’m not attached to outcomes. I’m being present. I’m having fun on connecting with someone, even if it even if it doesn’t work out. Yeah, it’s left the world a better place. Yeah, myself a better place. I’ve

 

Bryn Edwards 

left. I’ve had a giggle. Yeah, I’ve had a giggle while I’m doing it. We can rationalise it all these ways. But you know, it’s been time well spent. Because I connected and I had a lot. That’s it. And

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

even if it doesn’t work out, the guy still is like, Oh, yeah, it doesn’t feel like Oh, that was horrible. They’re like, Oh, I learned something about myself.

 

Bryn Edwards 

And you could have made a friend. Yeah. as well. Yeah. along the way. So at some point, you must have had to front up and thought, I’m going to take some Lego.

 

 

Yes, I should.

 

 

Yeah, gone.

 

 

No, no, I read.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I think it’s just because there’s just yeah, it’s so it’s so that’s why I was excited to be on this podcast to talk about the things I probably don’t usually will get to talk about with this. Because there’s a lot of layers to it. But the store for me it was that? Yeah, I kind of had this, I was realising that I was attracting toxic relationships that weren’t serving me,

 

Bryn Edwards 

right.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

And I had this really good friend in Sydney, who’s a badass lady with former CFO of like one of the biggest successful startups. Yeah. And so she put me on to this lady named Rory Ray, who is my kind of dating guru because she takes a really different approach, which is changing your own energy and changing how you’re reacting and changing your communication style and being open to what happens. And there’s a lot of playfulness in her method

 

 

perfectly.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

But also this idea of what she calls circular datings the idea of that you go on all of these dates, and it’s it’s a process of going on a lot of first dates to learn about yourself and kind of reset why maybe you’re so it’s like almost she calls it dating as therapy. And so I kind of looked at this at the beginning and I think I wouldn’t have taken it seriously except if my friend hadn’t showed it to me cuz it was just very feminine and flowery. And it was just really not for like, you know, badass business ladies who meet me and my friend, friend Kate, where her name’s Kate as well. And it was only because she kind of recommended it. So I kind of started this like almost similar to your project Connect where I was, I’m going to resist resolve this, I want to figure out why I’m doing this and work on it working on myself. So it’s a big personal growth thing. But then it was also I want to be in a nurture partnership by the time that I’m 40. So I know that there’s, you know, those expectations around, especially for women about being married, and all of these different things just

 

Bryn Edwards 

discuss.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. And it’s there’s a great podcast called the single serving podcast, which is all about how it’s really hard to be a single woman. And it’s, I love it, because it’s very much about kind of retelling that story. But so not to say that that’s what you should want. But I just kind of I’m big on intentions and having, you know, setting a goal for myself and saying, okay, I want to have this sorted. I want to have a happy partnership. That’s a conscious relationship. And I want to have this by by the time that I’m 40. Yeah. And so I started this, this project using the warrior, a method of circular dating, of going on all of these dates. And almost like, the idea is that it’s therapy, it’s resetting, who you’re attracting and learning about yourself, and why am I getting triggered by this? So it’s really almost about you rather than the guy. Yeah. But the way that you’re meant to do this is to use the dating apps. The worried kind of developed or stuff before the dating apps became a thing. Yeah. So you go on these dates, and I just started to become really jaded by it. So I had to kind of pack it up in a way. And because I done my Lego serious play training, which was using Lego as a tool for in the business world, helping people to understand each other and communicate better. I had a bag of Lego with me that I was using to show my corporate clients and I had it on a date. And I thought, well, what if I just use it? You know, it seems to work well, and I would kind of accelerate friendships and connections. Well, I for me, it was like, this is kind of fun. Like, yeah, it wasn’t a regular element. Yeah, it’s like, okay, I want to like experiment. See, Aquarius? My Aquarius, right? So yes, let’s do something weird and new and experimental. And so I started using it on dates. And it actually was amazing, because it would help me to get past that kind of jadedness I was starting to have, because there’s a lot of nonsense on those dating apps.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yes. man holding fish.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. And just like inappropriate. You wake up in the morning, and there’s just like, like, walls of texts about like, inappropriate things. Some guy you’ve never talked to you once. Did you? Do you just like just just a whole bunch of nonsense that you it’s hard to not follow? Yeah, this is like, it’s kind of, I think, easy to become jaded. So started bringing this and started finding that it was actually really helping me to have better connections with with the guys, they would have a better day. It just knows how I found the really awesome guy that I’m dating now. Yeah, who was kind of what I had imagined when I had set the intention for us for for what I wanted, and I just turned 40 yesterday. So you guys, ticket works. But the other thing that I did was to Lego was I started using it as a tool, almost like a vision board writes for me to go well, what is it actually, that I want in a relationship? A lot of the women that I spoke to aren’t exactly clear on what it is that they actually want. So using as a vision board to imagine that and the power of it is that it helps to create communication between you and other people. Yeah. But it also helps you to unlock your own thinking. And it’s very, very powerful. But because it’s playful, it doesn’t feel hard or scary. Yeah, it just makes it fun. And so you’re doing this really heavy work, but you’re doing it in a way that actually feels good. And that’s why I think it also works on a date because you could sit down and be like, Okay. Do we have you know, do you want kids? Do you do the checklist? Yeah, right. It turns into an interview and it’s unromantic is it’s just like, you know, it just feels desperate. The energy is all wrong. It doesn’t. It’s not creating, it’s

 

 

reflecting back to that serious strategic I

 

 

need to get married. I’m 40.

 

Bryn Edwards 

orientated. Yeah. Oh, I pick, I ended up with this lady. Why is that because she takes like nine out of the 10 boxes. And so therefore we agree. It’s like, the ribbons.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

You have a cake. Oh, yeah. So it overcomes that that? And I think that was another Yeah. So another guy that because I was kind of asking for feedback about it when I was actually turning this into a thing. And he said that you’re able to really get to know someone and get to those big questions without being unromantic. It still feels good. Yeah. Right. So it’s so the whole thing together is what is the love gun method. So it’s not just the Lego kit, this is the tool. But there’s this whole process, but it’s almost like powered by play and the Lego team Yeah, really fun and making this because it I would say it was really more about me. It wasn’t the guys that had to change it with me. And this allowed me to do this in a way that was like really fun and good.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. And helps me to ask yourself questions. Yeah. And in front

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, and go actually this is what I want in a relationship because The guy I’m seeing now I don’t think I would have dated him before, I would have been like, Oh, he’s not for me. I’m not attracted to him. Yeah, so part of it is just like, Well, why? Why am I doing that? What’s going on? For me? There’s this whole ancestral stuff there and other things that, that, you know, I discovered from, from doing this and other other things I was doing to work on myself.

 

Bryn Edwards 

So how did you go from putting out some Lego bricks on a few days, to actually turning this into what we’re talking about now?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So that’s a really good question, because I had people asking me to turn it into a thing.

 

 

Like, this is Italian friends.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, they were like, well, I want this, I want I want to have this and the guy who who did my Lego serious play sword, but he didn’t make certification. So he’s like, this kind of master Lego trainer. And I told him about it. And his he kind of runs one of the big communities are people who are Lego serious play facilitators. And I told him about it. He was like, I’ve never heard of anybody doing this, because he kind of knows who’s doing what the whole idea with Lego serious play is. It’s, it’s an open source method. So you can take what you want and do. So he kind of had this blessing to innovate with it. So he was like, that is amazing, and was encouraging me to take it and run with it. But I have this habit of getting distracted by the next shiny object. And I said, No, I need to focus on my corporate work I need to stick to doing this is too much of a distraction. And then of course, COVID happened. Yeah. So that’s when I said, Well, maybe because my work involves going on aeroplanes, and doing lots of hands on workshops. And so it became this opportunity for me to say, well, maybe this is actually what I should be doing. And so it’s in addition to I’m still doing the other playfulness and curiosity. But I can’t do keynotes. I can’t do a big part of what well, you can but it’s all virtual on the screen. And that isn’t what I want. It’s really about the human connection. Indeed, yeah. So so. So I said, Okay, well, I’m going to, I’m going to investigate. I’m going to talk to maybe, I think it was a few dozen women around the world, I ended up talking to I just put it out there. I said, dating is broke, and you want to talk to me about it on LinkedIn, and talk to all these women, kind of as young, early 20s. And late 40s, I think was

 

 

Yep. Because I

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

assumed that a lot of the problems I was having, because I was a bit older. And so maybe the dating pool is just like that. Yeah. So I talked to all these women about being dating being broken. And they all said that they were having the same problems as me. And so I was like, wow, this is simultaneously heartening that it’s not just me, but also just like, really sad. Yeah, it’s happening for everybody. So that was when I after I had those conversations with people around the world, I decided, Okay, this is actually a thing. And it’s a problem that needs to be solved. The other thing too, is that women were saying that they didn’t have anybody else to talk to like, especially if you’re a bit older. They were kind of like the the odd woman out in their group. And so they didn’t have a community of women to talk to you about their dating situation. So this I see this is very much a movement that I want to start a woman supporting each other.

 

 

Yeah. To

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

just change the narrative around dating for women, because it’s, it’s Yeah, there’s a lot of it’s hard to be single, but especially hard to be a single woman.

 

 

Right? Yeah.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Mm hmm. So after you’re speaking to people around the world, yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So then I started creating some prototypes and testing it with people and getting feedback. So I have a few different people that I’ve been working with, in around Australia and the US, and getting them to take it on dates and tell me what happens or coaching them and different aspects of it. So kind of doing using my background in game design to do stuff, and then put it out there and test different parts of it. And getting feedback. And so it’s very similar to what I used. The difference now is that there is a beautiful bag that’s actually designed here and created in Wi Fi in Western Australia. Yep, it’s designed so that you can take it on a date. There’s cards that come with it. And then there’s a whole kind of, I’ve kind of written up the whole method, and the system that’s used because it’s not just about this, it’s also about how do you filter or how do you how do you strategically use dating apps so that you don’t waste all your time? and spending time with this not the nonsense that happens there? Yeah. How do you how do you do that? So there’s this whole system that is playful and fun that’s around making it so that dating is fixing dating for women so it’s not it’s it’s more time efficient? It’s not kind of distracting, you know, that kind of spending hours now. Yeah, like social media is designed to write how do you how do you make sure that it’s not, yes, sucking up all over you and making you just feel Sad and right. Yeah. Hmm. And also that self work as well.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. And then is the is the idea that when you if you take this out and start playing with the partner with this, and you know, you’re pulling cards and then and you know, we’ve got a pack here. So we’re talking about things like that just pulling straight out here build what your high school was like, yeah. or build, or you feel most grateful for?

 

 

Yeah, that’s cool.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. Or build what your perfect day looks like. Yeah. And in here, we’ve got, you know, a variety of things ranging from this Yeah. To How did you choose this stuff.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So this is a customer that’s actually a gift for a friend that I’m going to send out. So it’s basically there’s like a base, it’s it uses there’s a Lego serious play kit that you can get from Lego. But I’ve adapted that to put in more things that are about so she said that she’s really into like nature, so there’s more nature pieces and hobbies. And yeah, and the bike and but the thing is, is that it’s it’s also the pieces that are in these kits are very metaphorical. So like there’s a shark, but that can be used to represent all sorts of different things like danger or adventure or fear.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah, there’s scuffling pieces. But

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

this is a great popular one, which is like a kind of Bush, I guess you want to describe it or a plant, but people will put it on the head of a Lego figure to sell my mind has been blown or something like that. So there’s the whole point of it is that you can use them literally or you can use them metaphorically to stand in for many different things. And I’ve seen people experimenting with with kits where they have just like very basic ones, where they’ll say this represents the greenbrook represents nature. The brown brick net represents autunno Malays, and it’s just one colour as an aspect to it. Yeah. So it’s like, it’s it’s, it’s so just, I guess, fertile for for all sorts of amazing things to happen. And the idea is that you when you’re doing this, it’s getting out of your head when you’re building your thinking with your hands. So yeah, bypasses that, like overthinking. And so you’re not think about what you’re building you just start doing it

 

Bryn Edwards 

becomes a kinesthetic experience. Yeah. Not necessarily a mental experience. Yeah. So when when a lady’s taking the kids out? and and you know, you’re playing during the course of the evening. Is it a case of you then, as part of this other checks and things? Or is it generally this elicits a feeling of whether, yeah, there’s a connection there or not? So is it still that sort of deeper unconscious level stuff? Or does this lead to very clear conscious decisions? Do you get what I mean? Yeah, analytical framework?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. And I think that’s, it’s, that’s a really good question, because it sits in part of that larger methodology. So the idea is that so with these cards here, for example, these are all based on a research paper that was developed by a psychologist or questions that are actually shown to, to how they described as generating inter interpersonal closeness, which is like, you know, just to describe it, to connect people. So these are all based on that. But the idea is that, before you go on the date, there’s all of that work that you do by yourself. And you decide what cards do I want in here, what’s important to me what’s not important,

 

Bryn Edwards 

right? And filter those out? Yeah. And then you can also

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

add in cards if you want. And so it’s designed that you kind of sit with yourself and get clear on what it is that you want to know, and what do you want to attract. But I would say it’s more really, because part of the method is also really coming back to the feminine, which is to really get back into your feeling. And so it’s more about the feeling that I think is generated, right? So I mean, obviously, there’s questions where I’ve never had an experience where a guy used this to tell me how he felt about kids, for example, so there are practical things like did you want to have kids or not? I didn’t ask that which I thought was amazing that he wanted to share that. Yeah, it didn’t it didn’t feel weird. So there’s like obviously practical things, but I think it is really more about do I feel this connection with someone? Does it feel like a romantic connection is that feel like in a more of a friendship connection and getting that you know, knowing what knowing more about it

 

 

get more sensitive to that?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, cuz I think if you’re going back into the that, oh, does he tick all the boxes? It kind of isn’t what this is about? No, it’s very much to get you into that feeling space. Yes. And not thinking overthinking. And not because it’s about Yeah, the the playful non attachment. So I’m, yes, I’m engaged. I’m present. I’m playful. I’m curious, but I’m not attached to the outcome other than I just want to have a human connection in some way and yeah, and learn more about myself and the other person and maybe that turns into something and maybe it doesn’t. Um

 

Bryn Edwards 

obviously, this has been focused badass women. Yeah. And it’s been women and the feminine listener. Yeah. Is he? So? Is this open to sale for men?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Well, that’s it. Yeah. So when I first initially started doing this, I thought, okay, I’ll have this because

 

Bryn Edwards 

we’re for men and women don’t have the struggling with the feeling, like monopoly.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. So I thought about it. But the more that I was doing the initial research, I realised that I, it’s very much based on my, what I understand. And so it’s created to work for people who are like me. So it’s kind of like professional women who maybe have grown up with, with moms who have been very, you know, at power women, like my mom, you know, told they have to be like men. And so you have this idea of, you know, you’re successful in your business life, and you apply that to your dating life. And why isn’t that working? You know, getting you’re making things happen and the goal woman? Yeah. And so I realised from doing this, that I don’t like and talking to men about their dating experience, they have a whole other set of problems, but it’s completely different. Yeah. So for now, I’m focusing on professional, straight professional women. Yeah, that’s what I understand. And down the road, it might open up to that. Yeah, that two men if I, if I have someone who wants to come in?

 

 

Yeah, and no question.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. Because I think it’s really important to really, like, I don’t want to create something that I don’t fully understand. Because I haven’t had Yeah, because then you

 

Bryn Edwards 

get into the world of generalisations. And yeah. Whereas sticking to what, you know, yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

It’s the best way that I can bring to serve those people is to really focus on I really understand this. I really know

 

Bryn Edwards 

how it doesn’t resonate for somebody, then that’s probably because they’re outside what

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, no, it’s for a very yes. Okay to Yeah, it’s not for everybody. Yeah. And that’s kind of the thing is, if it was for everybody wouldn’t work as well, if it’s for a particular kind of woman. I probably will open it beyond professional women down the road. But the reason why is for now is that I’m about to launch, like, what I would describe as founding memberships. So women who want to be part of this at the beginning, who would get exclusive access to work with me? Yeah. And and then as that as it becomes more of a movement, and more people want to engage, that’s when I obviously can’t scale myself up. Yeah. So I’m focusing on what that doing that really well now, and then growing that, and then probably having other ways to engage in it and be more more general. Still, for a specific I think that, you know, growth oriented, yes, mindset of people who want to invest in themselves. But that’s what I understand. And that’s who I am. And that’s how I feel like we can bring about change,

 

Bryn Edwards 

isn’t it? Yeah, it’s a fair answer. What I love about it, and just to be transparent, because I was one of your guinea pigs. Yeah. You came over. And I and Lucy had a great night. building stuff. Yeah, it was it was really are giggling and we both went to bed that night marking on wall laugh, it wasn’t an hour, got to learn a few new bits and bobs and things like that. And one of the things I quite liked it, you know, cuz I’m always one for pressing buttons to find people, or to connect to people, and know, everybody appreciates it, we get that. But this, this was like a nice playful way to go close to people’s buttons you’re trying to find and find out what is acceptable and what is not, and how far you can go. I think, you know, it comes back to that. And it also comes back to that, you know, that sounds really cool stuff that really cool simple stuff in that just by having this metaphorical physical kinesthetic interaction. It’s another modality to unlock things out of yourself and others and create a shared understanding, and which, you know, not disrespecting, what you’re doing is the underlying dynamics of what you’re doing. You know, it’s like sometimes when you get, you know, kids that struggled to concentrate in school, and instead of putting them on a chair, they put them on a Swiss ball. Yeah. And all of a sudden, they can concentrate because they’re engaging their core, and they’ve got that physical activity. And, and in a world where we are a lot more sedentary, this this kind of cool to build stuff and usually use your hands. But it’s fascinating, because, you know, at its core, we do one human connection, it is a requirement. And we have these more synthetic connections. And yet this is helping to come back to more authentic connections. And look, there’s a boy party.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I think that’s why it’s good for women to bring on dates.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Well, guys, we

 

 

have a really cool woman who’s me Whoa,

 

Bryn Edwards 

whoa, Most sweepingly generalising here, but most guys would have had some sort of interaction with building block block type activity, whether it’s Lego or something else. Yeah. So, you know, yeah, all I can say is from a feedback point of view for, you know, if women are trying to attract anyone with a background like me, yeah. Then if they turn up with a pack of Lego, and it’s like, let’s play and get notes from like, freakin awesome. Yeah, yeah, you take me back to my childhood state, which in and of itself is kind of cool as well, because that’s before all this crap and

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

all the nonsense. And that’s actually really interesting, too, because I’m taking it to quite an innocent place. Yeah, well, I think what I used to play with Lego Lego now. But why I got into this is that I love Lego. And I was like, Can I turn this into a business thing? So it was just, you know, can I have my passion, but I think a lot of women play with Lego too. Anyway. I think what you say about the childhood stuff is there’s a researcher called Dr. Gordon Neufeld, who’s an early childhood psychologist. And he’s done a tonne of work around trauma and playfulness. And really, really amazing garden actually was able to have the huge honour of being able to interview him about playfulness, because he talks about a lot a lot about how the importance of play and as a way for us to feel, and be in touch with our emotions, and how as adults, we don’t really do it anymore. And how he does it with his wife is a way of reconnecting. But so like a lot of that research actually underpins this. Yes. But what I found really interesting is that I, some, some people don’t want to play. And that’s what for me was a red flag if you don’t if there’s an invisible light, and they’re like, weirded out, it’s like, okay, you’re no, you’re not for me, like you. Me. But there’s also a lot of research.

 

Bryn Edwards 

There don’t even know that.

 

 

Yeah. Done.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. But there’s a lot of actually research that looks at a play histories, for example, where it’s, if you were if you were deprived from from being playful as a kid, there’s actually a lot of links between that and being growing up and being a criminal. And so there’s an Neufeld talks about this as well about how he was looking at, I think it was like some series of Canadian news talking about Canadian psychopaths and serial killers, and that they just couldn’t feel their feelings and they weren’t allowed to play. And so there’s probably like, there’s probably, if you’re meeting guys, and they’re not wanting to play, there’s probably a lot of work that they need to do. You know, maybe they’re not just not just for you, but maybe that’s a sign

 

 

for anyone.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Right now. Yeah. So it’s Yeah. And so I think that’s another thing because women have to be really concerned about safety issues and stuff. And so if Yeah, if a guy’s weirded out by applying, that’s probably a good sign that that’s not a good situation, a good a good relationship for you.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Mm hmm. And also, I get, I guess, when you talk about safety stuff, is that one has to be careful. In that. Generally, we go generally, we’re cruising around in the world interacting with people at a very conscious level. thinking it through as in just conscious level for what we’re doing here. Once we dive into world of metaphor, metaphor, mythical thinking, things like that is we are we are tapping further and further deeper into the unconscious of a psyche. Young would have a field day with this. Right? Yeah. And interestingly, having done podcasts with trained therapists, as well, of a young human orientation that have failed over this as well, and feel that in terms of you know, okay, so explain that build that list on the other end. And, and that’s a lot of, you know, what goes on in there. So, I suppose the other end of the scale, you know, if all of a sudden, you know, you or the person opposite is reaching for all the black bricks,

 

 

right?

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. And we’re talking about my childhood, and it’s all the black bricks, and it’s like, oh, yeah, something’s going on the childhood. Yes. There we go. We’re into a thing. Yeah. There is that as well. Yeah. But if you’re going to get into a partnership with somebody, and again, they have a greater understanding of the significance of the blackbrook. So

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

yeah, I think that there’s and this is actually the cards were suggestion of Michael Fern, who is my Lego serious play certification guy. But the idea with the cards is that by the way, it’s designed is when you go on a date you give them to the date Do you give them to the man and he decides what he wants? To do so it’s very, if he doesn’t want to answer a question, yeah, he doesn’t have to. So it’s very much designed to the woman picks what she wants to answer and then gives us selection. So it’s very kind of quite shortlisted

 

 

before. Yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So based on the work that she’s done, what’s important to me? What do I know? What am I kind of filtering? Right? Yeah. And so they pick and then that way, there’s no, because this isn’t meant to be around, you know, like, tricking or anything. No, no, no, it’s meant to be a very positive safe experience.

 

 

Child blot test. Yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

And so that way, there’s that consent built into it, like everybody is consenting.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. They they submit a safety around it.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. Cuz I think that’s really important. But I guess yeah,

 

Bryn Edwards 

I guess the The point is, is that recognise that? tools like this means that you’re going to get to a place of depth a lot quicker, yeah, than you normally would. Now, you know, some people might be

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

and that’s why this isn’t for everybody. Oh, yeah. Some

 

Bryn Edwards 

people might be all down with that. Yeah. And that’s really great. And happy to do that. Others. Maybe less so. Yeah. But again, if you’re looking for a deeper connection with somebody says dial back into it, if you’re looking for a deeper connection with somebody, whether it’s murky in there or not. Whether they’re pulling the sharks out of the black bridge, yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, cuz I think that’s important to say, too, is this is specifically it’s not if you’re just like looking for random hookups. No, no, if you’re looking for like, I want a quality relationship with a conscious, conscious relationship with a high quality module

 

Bryn Edwards 

is building massive digs out of it.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. Then you know that it’s probably only about something. Right? Maybe, maybe not.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah, you’d have to make some tweaks. Yeah. But yeah, but I guess yeah. is actually the more more think about more talk to it. This is lovely thing, whereby if you are up for that level of depth, and you’re actually serious about relationship, which which does mean you’re going to have to go to the depths of each of the soul. Yeah. Because that’s where we go. It’s not like, I’m just going to get in this much. And then yeah, no stickers. Safety platforming. Further, yeah. No, because that’s a recipe for disaster. Yeah, then. And if you are up for it, then that’s all cool, too. Yeah. So yeah, I see the

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

and that might be why someone might say, No, I don’t want to do that. Because maybe they don’t consciously know when they intuitively feel very confronted.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Or maybe through working with you a lady goes, I love this, but I’m not quite ready for that.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

And that happens, too.

 

Bryn Edwards 

So yeah, so you’re flushing people out quite quickly. Yeah. Because hell knows. There’s a whole lot of people out there who are just freaking lonely because they don’t like being with themselves. Yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. And that’s what I think. Yeah, want to avoid. And I think, if you did go on a date with him, my hope would be that this would help to kickstart something for them. Because I really think the idea with this one

 

Bryn Edwards 

comes out, like you said earlier on, yeah,

 

 

it comes out. It goes actually wise. Yeah, I’m actually

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

not ready to date or actually, so the guy who shared his feedback with me as he learned something about himself, where he was at, and actually realised he was wanting to do something else in relationships. And it was actually there’s something else that he wanted to focus on. So that would be my hope is that that none of this is, you know, it’s very positive. And very, the bigger thing for me is that this is really about healing the masculine the feminine divide,

 

Bryn Edwards 

right? That’s a big statement.

 

 

Yeah.

 

Bryn Edwards 

What does that mean?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Well, so yeah, I think that the kind of where we’re at with apps is almost like a microcosm of where I think we’re at, with the male and the female Muslim, like a symbolic energetic level, but also just like men and women, because there’s just tonnes of stuff. If like, you know, having a background working in tech and innovation, there’s a lot of like, toxic toxicity towards women. And it’s almost like we’ve gone backwards for the project of feminism, in some ways, where there’s just like, this lack of understanding, and a lot of anger on both sides that I don’t think is serving anybody. I think I can understand and I think it’s justified, but it’s at the same time. Not necessarily. There’s a difference between like being right and winning, and sometimes it’s justified, but like, it’s not actually gonna move things forward. Yeah. So it’s that but it’s also just, I think, part of the the when I started to really dig into what was going on for me and why it was attracting toxic relationships as I realised that there’s like this ancestral family thing where there’s like this trend in my family where there’s toxic really like the women, not all of them, like my parents are still very happily married. But it seems there is like a number of data points in my family where there have been situations where there is that like, I’ve played out the same pattern, and so it and it’s healing the masculine feminine in me. And so when I was doing this work and doing that work on myself, it was like having this realisation that that’s what that was really about was a huge thing. It’s like Oh, actually, I’ve done the work and Internally, I’m still working. I mean, it’s always work to do work. But it’s like, oh, I’ve done enough of the work that I’m not creating, attracting these toxic situations, get

 

Bryn Edwards 

back out in the world and bleed all over it like I have done previously carry. Yeah, I’m using drums. Yeah,

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

exactly. And why do I keep it? I think that was the important thing. And I was working with Sahaja, who has been on your podcast going in? And it’s like, well, why do you keep Why do you keep attracting those kind of guys? And it was about me doing that work. And so

 

Bryn Edwards 

what’s the story that they’re getting the hook into?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah, exactly. And so it’s almost like I had to do that work to heal that ancestral stuff and heal those patterns. And now it’s like, okay, I want to bring this into the world, because there’s, for whatever reason, that’s from my research as well, there’s a lot of women who have had power in the situation, and it plays out and it it really creates a disconnect in relationships between men and women, and just creates stress and anxiety and anger. And I can say now that I actually feel a lot happier. And I feel a lot more energised. So there’s all of these other things that come from it. A lot of it was trying to be perfect and control everything in control outcomes. And so more of the being in the feminine and surrendering, we can with Initially, I think we can go well, that’s anti feminist, and it’s giving away your power, but it’s actually a different kind of being in your power as a woman. And I find it consciously giving it away as opposed to unconscious. Well, you’re not giving it away. It’s a different kind of power. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it’s not that I’m not that I’m like, not in my power, it’s more than my power is allowing and creating space for things to for me to be taken care of. Not trying to control outcomes all the time. So it’s almost like embracing the chaos embracing. So it’s not that I’m not making things happen. It’s just that I’m conscious around when am I going to use my out like, this is kind of using more of the energetic description, but like, my masculine being in my masculine when I want to get stuff done in my business, but then I want I don’t want to bring that to my relationship, because then it’s just it just creates conflict. And so it’s not that I’m not getting what I want. And I’m not that I’m but it’s I’m communicating in a more peaceful way, is putting you putting Kate into all the different facets of Kate in the most appropriate path. Yeah, so it’s communicating in a better way. So yeah, it’s and I think, when I first came to this, I was like, well, this is anti feminist, because this isn’t empowering me. But the more I did the work, and the more that and this is kind of built into this as well as it’s more about, yeah, allowing women to come back into their power in a different way than that like 80s power women have like grasping and making things happen. If I want to make if I want a good relationship, I want to make the man do what I want control him, which isn’t good for anybody. No, that’s like the coming into it from a business perspective, right? It’s like, I want to focus on the outcome, I’m going to help. And so yeah, it’s, it’s really, I think, I feel a lot happier and more energised in my life. Hmm. I think

 

Bryn Edwards 

when we spend time understanding the storms of different energy and stories and narratives that play out among us, within us, among us, within us, and then they start to become more calm, and then we’ve become bit we can become more boundaries, and realise what we’re going to accept and what we’re not going to accept, etc, etc, then, then once that starts to come into place, I found it doesn’t really matter what the rest of the world is up to. He really doesn’t because I sometimes get I sometimes scratch my head when we get to identity politics and and, you know, social divides in this than the other and you know, it’s very easy to say, Well, yeah, banter that brings your white middle class white bloke. Also, potentially one of the most discriminated people, but we don’t talk about the backbone of any economy. And But beyond that, you know, I’ve had my dramas have had, I’ve had my storms within, I’ve had the things that were so important, I had to do them. And then after a while the storm blows itself out. I’ve done you know, I am continually working progress. But nowadays I have a lot more stillness. And then boundaries turn up. And there it doesn’t bother me what everybody’s up to. So we just get triggered by a lot of this stuff. And then there’s like

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

yeah, I think that that’s the important idea of with the triggering thing is that it’s almost like we’ve, we outsource responsibility of our emotions to other people.

 

 

Oh, yes.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

So if I get triggered, it’s my responsibility to figure out why I’m getting triggered rather than trying to get other people to stop doing the thing that’s triggering me and like, yeah, I’m not saying it’s okay for you to be racist or sexist, but I think it’s that difference between getting

 

Bryn Edwards 

being a when you’re into a really interesting area. Because even admitting that you’re triggered about certain things can be considered offensive or so. Oh, my God, do you think like that? Yeah. So we’ll get Yes, I do. Currently. Yeah. Let me explore that to find out whether it’s legitimate or not. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, triggering is really interesting. I mean, only last week I was talking to Joseph about, we were talking about death. And for somebody who’s dying, it’s difficult to talk about death when, you know, other people’s unresolved relationship with death gets triggered by the fact that you’re talking about your own demise is a real legacy service works really well at times, because you can just talk to me, and you know, I’m not vested in someone’s life. So we’ll just talk and explore. And, and you know, when we see other people in pain and discomfort that triggers disk, pain and discomfort in ourselves, and so then we want to go fix them, because we want to fix ourselves. And so, you know, this brings me back to another one of Britain’s pet focus areas, which is, you know, looking after your own nervous system. And if you’re more part of that being comfortable in yourself is also being comfortable in your nervous system and understanding when it’s fired up, and when it’s not. And the more you can remain open, the more you can get the most out of these things and meet great people.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that it’s, it’s going back to that triggering thing, it’s about do you want to win? Or do you want to be right? Because Yeah, I can be right that, you know, there’s a lot of it’s, there’s a lot of nonsense that women have to deal with in the world. And that’s not okay, that that’s like that, but I could be angry about it. Yes. And let that control me. Or I can go and go and make change in the world. Right. So yeah, I’m not and I’m still navigating how I feel about because I know I used to be an advocate, anti globalisation activist, and yeah, in my 20s, and it’s navigating, yes, there is a lot there is inequality and problems in the world. But how do we go about changing that, and it is that challenge of being right versus winning. And I have, I have a good friend who kind of mentored me in, in making change for women in tech. And a lot of times, I would just get mad when when I would face discrimination or just nonsense. And she would almost like help me to step back and see it as an educational opportunity to try it to getting angry to make change. But then it does get into like that emotional labour thing of like, I’m almost at the point now where I don’t want I just want to do my thing and not have to have emotional labour around being a woman working in innovation, a woman working in tech, and you’re being asked to do all these things that are unpaid and exhausting to do. Yes. So it’s I’m not sure what the answer is about any of this. This is a whole other podcast. But dangerous is one. Yeah. But I think that it’s, for me, it’s like I can only control my own reaction to things and this is radical responsibility. And I had a lovely other friend of mine did a tarot reading for me or just do a tarot card at the beginning of the year. And it was the hermit and he was like, free for this year. The big thing for me is if you want peace, be peace if you want love, be love. So I think that that’s I don’t know what the answer is. But I know that at least I can control how I react control control if I’m getting triggered. And if I’m coming from a place of peace and resourcefulness, then I can make a change in the world follow the the nonsense and inequality. But yeah, that’s the other day.

 

 

So you talked about the launch? Yeah.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Actually, I think I want to say one more thing before we talk about God, which is that I’m in the kind of the beta testing for this I think this is a really powerful story is that I have a had a client in the states who was using this and so she’s a Democrat. And she ended up through using this was dating a Trump supporter that she wouldn’t have otherwise. And they they didn’t work out. But for me, the fact that they were able to clone a bunch of dates, you didn’t break up because of that. But the factory the bullshit that Yeah, they were able to connect to each other as human beings. And that is I think, to me when that happened, I was like, Okay, this is like, this is what this is really about. Yes, it’s about helping women to have amazing partners, but it’s really at the book The grand scales, like if you can get a Trump supporter and a democrat talking to each other and connecting

 

 

a lot going on

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

yeah, then like that’s that’s like I think that says it to me because well now

 

Bryn Edwards 

now we’re back to narrow we are back to Yeah, being relatively calm human beings.

 

 

Yeah,

 

Bryn Edwards 

you know, you I respect you to have your rights but there’s still a commentary. That brings us together. Because I

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

feel like it’s the opposite of the the algorithms of credit the silos where we’re like that person. You see, this

 

Bryn Edwards 

is the interesting thing, because on one level, so this is an interesting thing. On one level, this demonstrates that if we overthink dating, we’re rubbish at it. Therefore, you can argue whether the next thing is is therefore. And you could argue that constitute Yeah, we’re not very good at it. Therefore, we need help. So the algorithm could play a role.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

If it was tweets differently, maybe but it’s tweet to keep us separate right now. The algorithm?

 

Bryn Edwards 

Well, yeah, yeah. To? Yeah. And yet most algorithms are keep us separate polarised. Yeah. Because that makes more money and continue to pursue the outrage button. Yeah, indeed. But yes. I could see how an algorithm would help. Yeah, given

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

maybe down the road. But I think for me, someone asked me what, where’s the app for this? And the point of it is that there is no app. Yeah. Right. Because, because because we don’t want one thing is we spent all of our times in front of screens. And so Exactly. Tetris. is the point at the point that you know, the thing is that it doesn’t have an app. And even when you’re doing the work with yourself at home, you’re there’s there’s no app, it’s you journaling, it’s you doing playing with the Lego with yourself. And it’s coming back to that playfulness. And yeah, it’s it’s all of the things it’s like, an antidote to our modern world. So date.

 

 

Yep. So I said, the launch the

 

 

launch, yeah. So

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

I am launching this at for foundation members. So people who want to be part of this, it’s an initial four month programme that you can join. Yeah. And so this is a exclusive kind of offering at the beginning. Because as this as the movement grows, it’ll be harder to have access to me. So it’s this opportunity for women who want to get in now and be part of this movement and have invested in themselves and have this this huge insight into themselves and go through the same process I’ve taken myself through because it’s, it’s that same thing where it’s just getting so much more out of it than just then finding love. Because I think finding love is really about you. Yes, yeah. And so that’s, that is launching. And I normally there’s an application process in it, because I really want to work with people who are serious about changing and bringing change into the world. But because I am a fan of Debi real, and this is why real and I think your listeners get this, which is why they listen to it. Yeah. Anybody who listens to this and is interested in working with me in this in this foundation, become a foundation member. Within 90 days, I’m going to say listen to the podcast, you can email me and I will do a complimentary love readiness assessment. And so yeah, so it’s for people who are who are who are real listeners. Excellent. And so from toasty, calm, go to my website. Or email, email me is probably the better way to do that. So it’s good. I love go method.com. So 79 email, and if you’re listening to this, so the next 90 days, excellent, we can make some magic.

 

Bryn Edwards 

So the last question I asked all my guests is if you could upload one question into the collective consciousness, so everybody spends five or 10 minutes just thinking about

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

the answer to it.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. What would it be? Oh,

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

man. That’s a great question.

 

 

You just said you’re a regular listener.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Hmm. And I have thought about this every time you do

 

 

shut up

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

almost like a meta question of like, what is the most important question to you?

 

Bryn Edwards 

Oh, I like that.

 

 

What is or what is the one thing you want to know?

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

Cuz I had I was on a call. So I’m in this amazing coaching programme. For kind of go go give her entrepreneurs and stuff go getter entrepreneurs, badass, go getters. Yeah, badass go getters. And one of the kind of activities on the call was was asking people. What is one thing you can rely on in 2021? And the point of it was, I think, when everybody answered everybody gave a really different answer. Like some people were like, change some people were like myself. My intuition, and then it was like, What is the one thing that you can do to make sure that you’re connecting to that. But the answers that people gave were so different. And the point was, is to show how everybody’s in a different reality in a different situation. And I thought that was such an important. They’re all true, but they’re all completely different. Some were like, I need to focus on my sales. And other people were like, I need to meditate more, I need to go for a walk, or there is no problem. Everything’s fine. And it’s just like that. I think it’s so fascinating. And I guess it’s kind of coming back to the Lego was like, the answers to people. The things that people build, the kind of this is just, so every time I do it, no matter what setting in a client meeting, just for fun for on a day, whatever. It’s just how people build with the Lego sometimes people will do a quick quote unquote, upside down where they have the studs on the bottom. And it’s just, it’s just that, that and asking that question, you see that diversity of, of realities.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah. And again, that’s a whole nother podcast. You know, the modalities you choose. And you know, people always say you need to do it like this, this and this, and technically you don’t know he worked out. Okay. It’s been awesome chatting.

 

Dr. Kate Raynes-Goldie 

And my pleasure. This is really fun. Thanks, Bryn.

 

Bryn Edwards 

Yeah, no, it’s been awesome chatting. I sincerely wish you all the best. Because Well, it it it. It taps into all the things that this podcast is about. connecting with people.

 

 

Yeah, exactly.

 

Bryn Edwards 

I think that promotes that. As far as I’m concerned. It’s fucking awesome.

 

 

Cool. Thank you. Thank you.

 

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